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it was apparent that JJ and Eric were still wide awake, but Nash didn t think they would
appreciate being interrupted.
He entered the bedroom, expecting to find Sidney fast asleep only to realise the bed was
empty. A quick check of the bathroom turned up nothing but the dripping faucet he d
promised himself he d fix two weeks earlier.
Retracing his steps, Nash made his way back down the hall to the room he d converted
to an office. Empty. Worried that Mike had changed his mind and called Sidney to tell him of
Nash s visit, he forgot all about being quiet.
He rushed out of the room and down the stairs. Sidney, he called, trying to see
through the darkness. After nearly tripping over a pair of boots lying in the middle of the
living room floor, Nash turned on a lamp.
A noise from the kitchen finally alerted Nash to Sidney s whereabouts. He entered the
dimly lit room, afraid of the wrath he d no doubt encounter. Sidney was curled up on the
window seat with Dottie in his arms.
I m sorry, Nash said, taking a step forward.
Sidney remained where he was, his chin still tucked against his chest. I needed you.
Used to Sidney s dramatics, Nash figured it was better than getting yelled at. I m
sorry. I had to get away to think, but I m here now. He sat on the window seat and pulled
Sidney into his arms. Dottie barked and jumped to the floor before scampering off.
Nash inhaled, smelling the sweet aroma of Sidney s mint shampoo as he buried his face
against the silky hair he d coveted for years. I m here.
Sidney moved to curl up on Nash s lap. I talked to Josh.
Good, I know you wanted to. When Sidney didn t respond right away, Nash
assumed Josh had once again showed his ass. I guess it didn t go well, huh?
Sidney sighed. It was perfect. I d barely said a word before he grabbed me and told me
how much he d missed me.
That s good, though, right? Nash was confused.
Yeah, more than I could ve hoped for. Right up until the point when he told me he has
stage three Hodgkin s lymphoma.
It took a moment for the depth of Sidney s statement to sink in. As guilty as it made
him feel, Nash s first concern was for Sidney. He held him tighter. Oh, my God. I m so
sorry, babe.
He hasn t told the family yet, so don t say anything.
What s he waiting for? Josh had to know the Ballentines would be supportive, they
always had been.
He just needs time with Jessica. I think he s still pretty numb.
When did he find out? Nash asked.
Three days ago. Sidney tilted his head back and sealed his lips over Nash s.
The kiss was everything Nash wanted it to be. Each stroke of Sidney s tongue against
his, reminded Nash how much he needed Sidney to need him. He closed his eyes and prayed
his body would respond as Sidney s hands began to roam. One by one, the buttons on Nash s
shirt slipped through their holes.
Maybe we should go upstairs, Nash suggested.
Why? We have lube in the utility drawer. Wait, does lube expire? Sidney reached for
Nash s zipper.
Nash grabbed Sidney s wrist. Don t.
Why?
It was obvious to Nash that once again his body wasn t going to cooperate. I need to
talk to you about something, but it s not a conversation for the kitchen. He stood and let
Sidney slide down his body. Come upstairs with me.
Is this about what you heard in the kitchen earlier today? Sidney asked. Because I
left, like, six messages on your phone apologising for that.
It s not what you said, it s why you said it. I m sorry I m not the man I used to be. I
talked to Dr Morin&
Are you having trouble again? Is it your blood pressure? The sudden, worried
expression on Sidney s face melted Nash s heart.
Remember a while back before my heart attack when I couldn t get hard?
Of course, Sidney whispered. An expression of realisation transformed Sidney s face
from worry to understanding. Oh. He broke eye contact and stared out the window for
several moments before returning his attention to Nash. Okay, so we ll figure it out
together. Is that why you ve been waking up so early and going to bed long after I m
asleep?
Yeah, then I spend half the day sleeping in my chair. Nash gathered Sidney close. I
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