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in detail a case which so admirably illustrates this phase of auto-erotism
on the borderland between ordinary erotic day-dreaming and religious
mysticism, the phenomena for a time reaching an insane degree of
intensity, that I summarize it. "Thérèse M., aged 24, shows physical
stigmata of degeneration. The heredity is also bad; the father is a man of
reckless and irregular conduct; the mother was at one time in a lunatic
asylum. The patient was brought up in an orphanage, and was a troublesome,
volatile child; she treated household occupations with contempt, but was
fond of study. Even at an early age her lively imagination attracted
attention, and the pleasure which she took in building castles in the air.
From the age of seven to ten she masturbated. At her first communion she
felt that Jesus would for ever be the one master of her heart. At
thirteen, after the death of her mother, she seemed to see her, and to
hear her say that she was watching over her child. Shortly afterward she
was overwhelmed by a new grief, the death of a teacher for whom she
cherished great affection on account of her pure character. On the
following day she seemed to see and hear this teacher, and would not leave
the house where the body lay. Tendencies to melancholy appeared. Saddened
by the funeral ceremonies, exhorted by nuns, fed on mystic revery, she
passed from the orphanage to a convent. She devoted herself solely to the
worship of Jesus; to be like Jesus, to be near Jesus, became her constant
pre-occupations. The Virgin's name was rarely seen in her writings, God's
name never. 'I wanted', she said, 'to love Jesus more than any of the nuns
I saw, and I even thought that he had a partiality for me.' She was also
haunted by the idea of preserving her purity. She avoided frivolous
conversation, and left the room when marriage was discussed, such a union
being incompatible with a pure life; 'it was my fixed idea for two years
to make my soul ever more pure in order to be agreeable to Him; the
Beloved is well pleased among the lilies.'
"Already, however, in a rudimentary form appeared contrary tendencies
[strictly speaking they were not contrary, but related, tendencies].
Beneath the mystic passion which concealed it sexual desire was sometimes
felt. At sixteen she experienced emotions which she could not master, when
thinking of a priest who, she said, loved her. In spite of all remorse she
would have been willing to have relations with him. Notwithstanding these
passing weaknesses, the idea of purity always possessed her. The nuns,
however, were concerned about her exaltation. She was sent away from the
convent, became discouraged, and took a place as a servant, but her fervor
continued. Her confessor inspired her with great affection; she sends him
tender letters. She would be willing to have relations with him, even
though she considers the desire a temptation of the devil. The ground was
now prepared for the manifestation of hallucinations. 'One evening in
May', she writes, 'after being absorbed in thoughts of my confessor, and
feeling discouraged, as I thought that Jesus, whom I loved so much, would
have nothing to do with me, "Mother," I cried out, "what must I do to win
your son?" My eyes were fixed on the sky, and I remained in a state of
mad expectation. It was absurd. I to become the mother of the World! My
heart went on repeating: "Yes, he is coming; Jesus is coming!"' The
psychic erethism, reverberating on the sensorial and sensory centres, led
to genital, auditory, and visual hallucinations, which produced the
sensation of sexual connection. 'For the first time I went to bed and was
not alone. As soon as I felt that touch, I heard the words: "Fear not, it
is I." I was lost in Him whom I loved. For many days I was cradled in a
world of pleasure; I saw Him everywhere, overwhelming me with His chaste
caresses.' On the following day at mass she seemed to see Calvary before
her. 'Jesus was naked and surrounded by a thousand voluptuous
imaginations; His arms were loosened from the cross, and he said to me:
"Come!" I longed to fly to Him with my body, but could not make up my mind
to show myself naked. However, I was carried away by a force I could not
control, I threw myself on my Saviour's neck, and felt that all was over
between the world and me.' From that day, 'by sheer reasoning,' she has
understood everything. Previously she thought that the religious life was
a renunciation of the joys of marriage and enjoyment generally; now she
understands its object. Jesus Christ desires that she should have
relations with a priest; he is himself incarnated in priests; just as St.
Joseph was the guardian of the Virgin, so are priests the guardians of
nuns. She has been impregnated by Jesus, and this imaginary pregnancy
pre-occupies her in the highest degree. From this time she masturbated
daily. She cannot even go to communion without experiencing voluptuous
sensations. Her delusions having thus become systematized, nothing shakes
her tenacity in seeking to carry them out; she attempts at all costs to
have relations with her confessor, embraces him, throws herself at his
knees, pursues him, and so becomes a cause of scandal. When brought to the
asylum, there is intense sexual excitement, and she masturbates a dozen
times a day, even when talking to the doctor. The sexual organs are
normal, the vulva moist and red, the vagina is painful to touch; the
contact of the finger causes erectile turgescence. She has had no rest,
she says, since she has learned to love her Jesus. He desires her to have
sexual relations with someone, and she cannot succeed; 'all my soul's
strength is arrested by this constant endeavor.' Her new surroundings
modify her behavior, and now it is the doctor whom she pursues with her
obsessions. 'I expected everything from the charity of the priests I have
known; I have not deserved what I wanted from them. But is not a doctor
free to do everything for the good of the patients intrusted to him by
Providence? Cannot a doctor thus devote himself? Since I have tasted the
tree of life I am tormented by the desire to share it with a loving
friend.' Then she falls in love with an employee, and makes the crudest
advances to him, believing that she is thus executing the will of Jesus.
'Necessity makes laws,' she exclaims to him, 'the moments are pressing, I
have been waiting too long.' She still speaks of her religious vocation
which might be compromised by so long a delay. 'I do not want to get
married.' Gradually a transformation took place; the love of God was
effaced and earthly love became more intense than ever. 'Quitting the
heights in which I wished to soar, I am coming so near to earth that I
shall soon fix my desires there.' In a last letter Thérèse recognizes with
terror the insanity to which the exaltation of her imagination had led
her. 'Now I only believe in God and in suffering; I feel that it is
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