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woman conquered is a stepping stone to that elusive place they hope is secreted away somewhere inside of them that says, You have finally proven that you are
worthy. Now, you can cease woman-hopping and enjoy your new self-confidence. Congratulations. Unfortunately, that place doesn't exist and there will never be
enough women to create it. Women genuinely like Players. Even when we are aware that the player is not, and is not likely to become, faithful, we are still drawn to
him. However, Womanizers are unlikely to leave many female fans in their wake.
King Henry VIII (1491 1547) was the supreme Renaissance Womanizer. He continued his womanizing reign until he was too ill to track and overpower
women. His sixth wife, Catherine Parr, was also his last wife, primarily because she had the good fortune to become his widow. King Henry was a Womanizer,
rather than a Player, due to his nasty habit of having tiresome wives beheaded.
A couple of hundred years ago, Womanizers and Players were called men of high gallantry. In other words, this pleasant little euphemism meant that boys
will be boys. The label attached to women who enjoyed a variety of men (or were thought to) was not quite so pleasant. Men who fall into these categories are
frequently unable or unwilling to change. The thrill of the pursuit is simply too addictive to abandon.
Do you have a Player or a Womanizer in your life? Much like the Psychopath and Antisocial, they are charming and attractive. They are concerned about their
appearance, possibly quite vain, and socially at ease. They, too, must be able to read a woman's personality with very little exposure to her. They must understand
what she wants from a man and give it to her temporarily. Remember, these men do not value long-term relationships. They are often shallow and unable to
establish and maintain an emotionally intimate relationship with a woman. The next time you attend a party, watch the good looking, self-confident, well-dressed
man working the room. You will notice he is talking to the loveliest women, and he is standing close (within their space), peering into their eyes. The women are
speaking in low voices and laughing. Very possibly, you have just spotted a Womanizer or a Player.
Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, estimates that 60 percent of husbands will have an affair at some point in their marriage. This, of course, does
not include the men who are marathon daters and are not married. No doubt, the online dating services are littered with them. For them, numbers matter; home and
hearth do not.
Women are naturally attracted to the bad-boy image of the Womanizer and Player. We may not break the rules, but we find excitement in dating the man who
creates and follows his own set of laws. We can vicariously enjoy a walk on the wild side. Remember what Mom said about playing with fire? It can be exhilarating
knowing that we can lose our footing and fall at any moment, as we desperately balance on the edge of the inferno. Beware, flames scorch and carry a price tag.
One study suggests that attractive men are better able to successfully pursue frequent, fleeting sexual relationships with multiple partners (Gangestad and
Simpson, 1990, 47). Logically, if a handsome, desirable man sweeps you off your feet, you are probably not his first conquest. We can also assume you will not be
his last.
Are you being manipulated by a Womanizer or a Player? Perhaps you have good reason to be suspicious. Although behaviors will vary from individual to
individual, we can make some generalizations. Our focus is on serial affairs of the heart or more probably the libido. This behavior normally extends for a long
period. It may begin in young manhood and can extend into geezerhood.
A man can have an affair or pursue more than one relationship without being a Womanizer or a Player. Individuals can tumble into rival relationships that are
unintentional and uncharacteristic of them. This does not happen repeatedly, no matter what he says.
Criteria for the Womanizer and the Player
There are no official criteria for the Womanizer or Player, because they are not considered pathological disorders. He may also have a DSM-IV-TR personality
disorder; he definitely has some characteristics of the Antisocial, Psychopath, and/or Narcissist. Without official criteria, we will focus on the characteristics
normally associated with the Womanizer or Player as defined by our society.
I am going to list them separately because there are a few significant differences.
The Player
" Attractive and well dressed
" Well dressed
" Smooth
" Frequently well educated
" Intelligent
" Interesting
" Persuasive
" Insecure (you probably will not see the insecurity)
" Convincing liar
" Short-term intimate relationships
" Irresponsible in intimate relationships
" Professional-quality flirt
" Pleasant, easygoing manner
" Likes and enjoys the company of women
Womanizer
The criteria for the Womanizer will be the same as for the Player with the exception of the last two. Instead, the Womanizer will exhibit the following criteria:
" Does not like or respect women
" Can be temperamental and cruel
" May take advantage of women for gain
The Womanizer is reminiscent of the old-fashioned gigolo. However, taking money from the women he seduces is not a criterion for Womanizer status.
Women are no more than a notch on their gun or the unknowing prey of such men. Have you felt hunted? Let's take a look at our first couple, Derrick and
Megan.
Case Study #1: Derrick and Megan
Derrick is tall, blond, and devastatingly charming. He is a sports announcer for a popular radio station in a major city. Megan met Derrick at a Save the Whales
function. She saw him standing across the room and could not resist looking his way every few minutes. He returned her glance and added a brilliant smile. That
was all it took; she was hooked.
They began to date and after a couple of whirlwind weeks, Derrick started making excuses for not calling her and breaking dates with short notice. He said he
had to work late or he had to attend a meeting. He constantly complained that he was overworked. Whenever Megan asked questions about his absences, he
accused her of trying to smother him. Afraid that she would push him away, she resisted asking questions for a while.
After these absences, Derrick would call Megan and act as if nothing had happened. Then the absences would start again.
After enduring this for a few weeks, Megan decided to chance incurring his wrath and called him. A young female voice answered the phone. Surprised, Megan
hung up. At first, she thought she had dialed the wrong number. She checked the number and it was correct. She called back and Derrick answered. He was angry
and loudly accused her of spying on him. She hung up feeling humiliated and needy.
When Derrick called the next day, he said his niece had been visiting him and he was very apologetic about losing his temper. Megan began to wonder if she
were losing her mind, or perhaps, she hoped, his behavior really was peculiar.
Derrick manipulated Megan using the following techniques:
DERRICK'S MANIPULATIVE TECHNIQUES
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